The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
