yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
