What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't deserve a penis
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
