We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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