maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
