She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
