when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
