Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
