Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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