Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
