dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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