You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
