i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
