Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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