Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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