I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
