Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
