so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
