5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
