My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
