some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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