she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All the doctor said was why
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
