I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
