I cannot find my penis.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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