i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
mondays should just be called national damage control day
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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