WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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