Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
