Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
