Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
