Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
