I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
