i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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