Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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