whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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