who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
