He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
