My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
