Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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