You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
