PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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