All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
