Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
