he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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