We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
