I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
