Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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