I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
