how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
