just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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