What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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