just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
