Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
