I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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